I worked for, alongside, and led dozens of leaders who weren’t emotionally intelligent. They weren’t vulnerable or authentic. Many weren’t resilient, courageous. Most lacked grit, and many weren’t even what you’d call likeable.
If you subscribe to the Teletubby Talkers that make up the self-appointed community of “experts” in leadership thinking, you’d probably say all those leaders were unfit to do their jobs.
If so, I’m here to tell you, and those so-called experts, that you’re wrong. Dead wrong.
Many of those leaders, despite their inability to fit the ‘emotional profile’ arbitrarily created by people who NEVER actually led, were some of the most effective and consequential in my career.
You see, it wasn’t their emotional makeup that made them good at their jobs. It was something far less squishy and ethereal.
They had skills. Real, tangible skills.
They were good coaches who helped me upskill. They provided extremely clear expectations. And when I needed help solving problems, they showed up. They put their energy into making me more successful in my job than I could have been without them.
Then, when the time was right, they advocated for me to take on bigger, broader roles.
I’ve also worked with, and for, leaders who were funny, likable, and charismatic but lacked the ability to help me develop. I always enjoyed cocktails with them. But my skills and career development stalled out because they lacked what I really needed from them most.
Skills.
Those leaders failed. And the people they led paid the price.
When things go wrong — and they always do — leaders without skills don’t fix problems. They apply pressure. They berate. They badger. And their people pay for it twice: once for the performance gap, and again for the leader who has no idea how to help them close it.
Meanwhile, strong, effective leaders have always been in short supply. Whenever results slipped, they didn’t reach for fear. They reached for their skills — diagnosing what was broken, coaching people through it, and rebuilding confidence instead of destroying it. They created environments where their people could improve, perform, and progress. They were truly unicorns.
My book, Misled, is a rebuke of the leadership literati who’ve been fixated on personality traits while the skills and competencies that actually make leaders effective are nowhere to be found in their books, programs, or keynote speeches. It’s time for something different. Something better.
Coming this Fall.
Larry
